On the first Sunday of the month, at six minutes to six in the evening, I posted to my new town's mailing list: "The [team] is recruiting players and coaches for the upcoming season! Anyone who would like to join or learn more can email me or call me."
One person answered. Three hours later a mother wrote: "Is this soccer or American football? My son is looking for soccer"
I replied the next day at lunchtime. "American football, I hear there will be a soccer league as well but Im not sure who to contact about that."
That was the whole response. One reply, from someone who wanted the other sport.
Going back through that month, her question kept coming back to me. Not about the sport. About me. That month I was a football coach, a sponsorship salesman, a lifeguard, a would-be life coach, a would-be student and, by the look of it, a teacher. Ask me which one and I'd have answered the way I answered her. There's another one too. Not sure who to contact.
SEVEN A.M. OR SEVEN P.M.
The same Sunday, at 9:28 at night, an email came from a man introducing himself. The head of a religious school in the older part of town had forwarded him my email (I can't find mine, only his half). He was going to run the school's evening study programme the next year. "Do you have a few minutes to speak on the phone either tonight or tomorrow?"
At 11:01 I wrote back: "Sorry I only saw your email now and its a little late, tomorrow I should be free anytime after 7."
Eleven minutes later: "Sounds good. 7am or 7pm?"
I answered at four minutes past one the next afternoon. "Hi I am available anytime today."
So seven in the morning came and went. Two months earlier I'd written "sorry forgot to call" to a man trying to help me. Same shape. Fast at night, slow in the morning, and the one thing he'd asked left unanswered.
He wasn't put off. Two weeks later: "Would you be able to come by [the school] this Thursday?"
I offered noon. He asked for closer to one, or half past. At ten to eight that evening I wrote four words: "Sounds good. See you then."
On the Thursday, at 12:39, he wrote: "Call me when your here".
There's no record of the meeting itself. What I have is his next email, ten days later, at 7:23 in the morning: "I was wondering if you had any friends that would also be interest din teaching at [the school] next year during [the evening programme]?"
Also. Nobody asks whether your friends would also be interested unless you're already in. By the look of it I'd shown up, and it had worked.
I wrote back at 10:03: "Possibily, Ill ask around."
Back on that Thursday, at 4:11 in the afternoon I wrote to a coaching institute abroad: "Hi, I am interested in becoming a certified life coach. It wasnt clear to me the proccess to get certified by you. Also I am overseas very often and I wanted to know how flexible the courses will be in terms of when i take them."
I was not overseas very often. Nothing in my records that month puts me outside the country at all. They didn't answer. They put me on their newsletter.
A MONDAY
A week before the meeting I turned twenty-four in the middle of thirteen days in which my sent folder is empty. The morning after, my mother sent me a link: "5 overlooked low-stress jobs with a 6-figure salary". No note. The only email that actually said happy birthday came from the pro league's fan site, on the seventh of June, three weeks late.
Then came a Monday, and I tried to be a business.
At 11:24 I filled in the advertising form on the website of the local English-language paper. Under what I wanted to advertise I typed one word, the local word for after-school clubs. Four minutes later they sent me their colour price list. There's no sign I bought anything.
At 12:01 I wrote to a company that sold tickets to sports events and shows: "Hi I saw your post and I wanted to know a little more about your company." Their HR manager answered in five minutes: "If you can tell me in which position you are interested I would be able to give you even more information". I never wrote back.
At 4:36 that afternoon I wrote the most ambitious thing of the month:
"The [team] is a highschool football [club] under [a nonprofit], a non profit youth organization. Currently we are looking for sponsers to join us for the upcoming football season. In return sponsers will get to put their logo on either the fliers we send out, the monthly newsletter, or on all team merchandise (depending on the size of the donation)."
I've looked for the fliers, the monthly newsletter and the merchandise. I can't find any of it. I was offering logo space on three things that, as far as my records show, didn't exist.
And I didn't send it to a business. I sent it to one address, a family one by the look of it, with a line at the bottom: "(Tell me if i should add anything abd ill send this out to other busnesses)". There's no reply, and no sign it ever went to anyone else.
THE NEXT MONDAY
A week later I did it again, except this time every door was a qualification.
In February I'd put a college at the top of my CV as though I were already its student. On the 29th of May, at 2:59 in the afternoon, I finally asked them about it. The email went out from my wife's account, signed with my name:
"Hi Im intersted in the internation bussiness administration degree. I graduated from highschool in [year] and I am now completing my third year in [music school] (a music program, gives certification without degree). Is there any information you could send me that could help me? Are there any prerequisites that I need? Are there any scholerships?"
Four months after I'd claimed the degree, I was asking whether it had prerequisites.
The programme coordinator answered in forty minutes: "I would love to speak with you. Please call me". Somebody did. At 9:51 that night he wrote again: "Nice talking with you. Here's the link for registration for you." My wife forwarded both to me. I replied to her: "Received with thanks."
In between, at 7:40 in the evening, I wrote to a lifeguard certification outfit: "Hi I have completed all the tests and sent in the required forms on the site, and I would like to request to have my certificate issued... Thank you I enjoyed learning with you guys."
Six weeks earlier I'd told a resort I was "Certified by red cross." Now I was asking a different organisation to certify me. The records don't say what happened to the first certificate.
A degree, a lifeguard certificate, and four days earlier a life-coaching course. Twenty-four years old and shopping for credentials as if they were the missing piece.
On the fourth of June the coordinator wrote again: "Please register ASAP, we are coming up on a deadline for the program in around 2 weeks". I didn't answer that one inside the month.
A SOCCER FIELD
The team changed shape that month, and I can only see it in what I posted. In May it was a high-school team, recruiting players, then sponsors. On the 4th of June, at 5:44 on a Sunday afternoon, I posted to the town list again: "[The team] is now open for registration for summer flag football! There will be both boys and girls teams for all ages. Are you ready for some football?"
No tackle. No pads. No sixty-thousand budget. The inbox doesn't say why. By the look of it the big plan had quietly shrunk into something I could actually run.
The next day, at 1:35, a mother wrote: "Please let me know more about this. My son wont be here in August but would really really love to play in July if possible. He is 10."
Ten. Five weeks earlier I'd told another mother her ten-year-old was "maybe a little to early." Now a ten-year-old was exactly who was writing in.
I answered the following morning: "Sure thing, Im settting up all the details and ill let you know as soon as were running."
I hadn't set up the details. Nine days later I'd write to her, and to the mother from April, with a day, a time and a place: Wednesdays, half past three, a soccer field in the next village. A month after the soccer question, my football team was going to play on a soccer field. What she said to that belongs to the next chapter.
None of it paid. The payment service's monthly summary pointed out that there had been no international transactions on my business account. As far as my inbox shows, there hadn't been any transactions at all. Second month running, the guitar account earned nothing.
WHAT I TOOK FROM THAT MONTH
Answer the question you were asked. "7am or 7pm?" has two possible answers, and "anytime today" isn't one of them. I got lucky that he asked again.
Show up. The only thing that came out of that month came from one Thursday at one o'clock. Not the form, the pitch or the course. Turning up.
Don't sell what you haven't built. I offered sponsors a newsletter and merchandise that, as far as I can find, didn't exist. Nobody bought, which was the best outcome available.
Credentials aren't a plan. In one week I enquired about a coaching certificate, a lifeguard certificate and a degree I'd already claimed. I was collecting doors, not walking through them.
And when nobody wants the big version, shrink it until somebody does. A high-school tackle team got one reply, from a mother who wanted soccer. Flag football for anyone got a ten-year-old by the next afternoon.